I miss the days when youth was as endless as the road before my feet
when naivite made stretched far and my dreams wide
The days were as long as the shadows trailing behind me for miles
As I walked down the sidewalk leaving nothing behind but the essence of me
Youth does not understand restrictions, expectations, or regulations.
Youth does not know rules and laws or it chooses not to.
Youth does not understand limitations so it is not bound by them.
I am bound by the fears and the rules and the expectations and the limitations. My dreams are small and round and they fit in the palm of my hand. My ambition is so larger than the mind that fits it and its contained within my chest. My naivite shrinks smaller by the day alongside by dreams and ambitions. In the empty space there is fear and there is anxiety.
Age understands limits and endings
Age knows fear and what it tastes like
Age is used to all of these things and so it moves forward.
But sometimes I walk down sidewalks in the heat of a long endless day
where my shadow stretches long behind me and the road is laid out endless before me
and I remember the days of limitless youth and invention.
The days where stories were real and each passing hour held a new adventure.
There is one small comfort to leaving youth behind.
In youth the world is too large and too endless.
A child shrinks before the vastness.
I’m scared of it too. It’s big and blue and as measureless as the universe.
But I am used to the fear since I live in it every day like a cocoon.
So I take the child’s hand
I tell her that it will be ok as long as we take our first step
then another, and another
keep moving forward like the grownups do and the vastness will never swallow you whole
I tell the child and she believes it and I drink in her believe like its my own.
The child is me and we walk together towards a bright sunset
where shadows stretch long and the road never ends.